she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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