I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
