I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
