He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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