Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
