Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
