i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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