He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
