I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
my liver is dry heaving
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
