i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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