I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
