Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
