omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
