Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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