Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
