The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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