So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
