Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Mom said you looked used
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
