meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize