You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Swine flu. Run for my life!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
