I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
