can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
