i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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