it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
