why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
