Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
