So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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