I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
