Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
