"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
