yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
