I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We don't watch enough power rangers
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
