can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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