Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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