the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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