I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
