He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
