i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
