Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Is Oprah even human
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
