i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
