I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
