i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
