I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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