YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I wish I only lived at night.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
