I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
