i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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