Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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