So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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