If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
