She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
