I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
