Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
