Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
