Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
No subtext here. People are naked.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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