The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
