please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
