how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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