I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
