I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
