so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
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