yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Quick, to the slutcave!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
