Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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