Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
